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why do things always have to be justified in
this society? seriously, why can't people just let it go? why do i have
to know the exact answers? yet i really want to know the reasons
myself. i want to know why am holding on this long. am i trying to
prove something to those who said i can't do it? to those who said i'd
fail? or do i truly feel what i claim to feel? i don't understand
anymore. this is getting too complicated than i thought.
sometimes i guess am too much of a sissy to actually do it. afraid
of what the consequences would be, afraid for people to hurt, afraid
for me to hurt. guess the toughest part is to accept that i can't tell
the future. would i regret? god, i hate not knowing what'll happen in
the end! fucking 'sarah', that's what i am. and i hate that.
You know... I've been doing a lot of "cleaning" with my life.
Weeding out the bad, pulling in the good. I'm doing just fine now
with what I've got, actually a lot better than before. I've gotten
confidence, I've gotten closure, and assurance that without certain
people, my life is a lot better. The people I once called my friends...
they screw up. Not to say that I'm any better, but I do feel I've made
some sort of improvement in the last year. My real friends have taught
me so much, how to simply be easy to be around and treat others
right... therefore depleting my level of tolerance of people that do me
wrong. I'm not scared of anything now, because I know that I've got
friends to help me up when I fall down. No one can make me feel the way
I did... I won't let them. I'm better than that. I'm better than them.
The best movie night of all time took place last night at my home. 14
people, barely enough room, and lots of laughing was seriously what I
needed. I pinched a lot of asses last night, it was pretty funny.
I cannot stress to you enough how thankful I am for the friends that I
have. <3
I don't understand a damn thing that kid does... and frankly, I don't want to anymore. I'm better off.
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